Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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