I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
