I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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