going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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