I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
