Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
