Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
