I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
