i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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