This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
