I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
