You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
