Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize