i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
