I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
