I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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