weddingsv make me drug and hornr
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
