Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
