And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
