Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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