I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
