cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
