absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
