you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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