was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
