check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
