I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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