i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
