Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
