and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
