just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
