Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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