Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
