sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
