D3 body, D1 cock
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
