we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
