and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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