So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm jealous of your bromance
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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