dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
