Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
