I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
