tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The air was thick with penises
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
