I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
