What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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