isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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