I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
