just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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