just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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