I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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