We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
