Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Drunk is not a location!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
