I'm going to jail i love you
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Buhtt sex?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
