just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
