ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
