oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
