i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
