yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
