I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
