Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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