You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
