i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
