I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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