can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
