Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
