Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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