At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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