i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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