Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
