glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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