hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
