you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
