I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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