nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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