If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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